Mandy and I got married last Thursday.

Pretty rad, if I do say so myself.

So I’m going outside to make a phone call regarding a certain something happening on Thursday (which you’ll hear about then) and my friends J.P. and David are coming in the backdoor of our building. They say “You might not want to go out there” and I say “Why?” to which they reply “Well, there’s a crazy fucking bum out there.”

I say “I’ve seen crazy bums before” to which they both say “Not like this, c’mon he’s coming around the front of the building…”

So we head to the lobby, and I see him. About 5′8″ - 5′10″ black guy with black dreads, black t-shirt, and khaki pants. And he’s doing a kung-fu karate pose and yelling obscenities. Suddenly, a red Geo Metro, going the wrong way up the street, comes right at him and he leaps into mid-air, and is hit by the car, flipping over the top of it and hitting his head on the asphalt as he flies off of the car.

“Oh my god, that dude is dead!” is what I wanted to think and say but before I could even get out “Oh my–” he was up…like fucking TERMINATOR T-1000 and running FULL SPEED AFTER THE CAR.

I call 911, tell them there’s a dude outside our building and he’s acting crazy, a car just hit him and he ran after it. I start to describe him and the 911 operator says “black dreads, black shirt, white pants?” and I say YES and she says a car is on it’s way already. J.P. then tells me what they saw before they came in and I tried to go out was that the car was just going up the street, and dude jumped on the hood and punched the windshield, just shattering it. The guy drove off. Then crazy dude started screaming “I’m tired of all you motherfuckers! Sick of this shit!” and moved to the front of our building, where the same car he punched (the red Geo Metro) turned around and drove the wrong way up a one way street hitting him before he got right back up and chased after it, where the guy, I’m assuming came to the realization that he really didn’t want to mess with someone crazy enough to punch out his windshield and then be hit by his car and get up to chase after it.

We saw him cut across a parking lot, and go into our local gas station, before coming out with napkins wrapped around his bloody fist and walk down the street. About this time he walks into a mexican joint down the street from our place Juanitas. A cop car pulls up to our building and I tell him what happened and that the dude just went into Juanita’s, and he then backs up and high-tails it over there.

My friend Josh the Devil and I decide to go to the gas station to see what went on there and we literally follow a blood trail up to the store, and the inside of the place is a disaster. Blood all over the place. We both buy a drink and ask what went down and the lady behind the counter is all “I don’t like violence, dude be comin’ up in here all cussin and actin a fool sayin some doo try to hit him with a cah and then he’s all grabbin the napkins and walk out all crazy.”

We see the cop car is gone from in front of Juanita’s right when some dude is coming out of there. I yell “Hey man, is that crazy dude still in there?” and he says the cop cornered him in the kitchen, and that there was blood everywhere and that dude jumped the fence and got away, ran a few blocks and passed out, either from blood loss, losing his high, or a combination of both, but that he’d been captured.

We headed back to the building and saw a huge pool of blood, I guess from where he had originally punched the windshield out and was standing in front of our building and then an impact splatter from where he got hit by the car, rolled over it, and hit head-first on the ground.

It was one of the craziest things I’ve ever seen in my life.

From Zvika Krieger at The New Republic:
Is it the GOP’s horrible reputation (in light of Bush, Katrina, Iraq, etc.) that is making voters not like them, or is it actually just their positions that are making them so unpopular? Josh at Next Right points to an interesting study, done for NPR by GOP pollster Glen Bolger and Democratic pollster Stan Greenberg, that tries to answer that exact question. The poll asked 800 likely voters their opinions on various issues, first giving the positions in a vacuum, then attaching them to their respective parties. The results are pretty surprising: The Democratic position, even when not attached to any party, consistently beat the GOP position by 11 to 25 points. In other words, it’s not the Republican “brand” that’s the problem–it’s their policies. Josh (who by “we” means Republicans) breaks down the results by issue:

Let’s start with the economy. When voters know what party each message comes from, we loose 37% to 58% and trail among independents by 18%. Ouch. However, when you read both messages without telling voters who they come from, the story gets worse. Republican voters like the Democrat’s message more than their own party’s message by a large 14% margin when they don’t know which party it comes from. Just as disturbing, numbers among independents drop by another 10%… giving the Democrats a massive 28% advantage. Even our horrifically damaged image is better than our message on the economy. Independents and even Republicans simply like the Democrats’ plan more than ours.

Iraq and trade both follow the exact same pattern. We’re getting smashed on both issues on the partisan test, but when you look at the nonpartisan test where our damaged image isn’t a factor, the numbers get even worse among Independents and Republicans. A few Democrats (and in the case of trade a bunch of Democrats) move our way on the nonpartisan ballot, but Independents actually agree with our messages more when they know the messages came from Republicans.

On taxes, the picture gets more complex. On the partisan text, Independents like the Democrats’ message by significant 14% margin, but Republicans still like our message and give us a resounding 39% advantage. That changes drastically on the nonpartisan test. When the party’s names are removed, Independents are almost evenly split, giving the Democrats’ message a small 5% advantage. However, Republican voters stampede away from the GOP message. Among Republicans, support for the GOP message on taxes drops by a gargantuan 53% when the party’s names are removed, leaving the Democrats with a 14% advantage. You read that right, on the nonpartisan test, Independents like the GOP message on taxes more than Republicans do and even Independents slightly favor the Democrats.

The takeaway? Our message right now is electoral poison and this isn’t all about “brand.”

Bad Dudes merch now available. I should note we are making no profit on this stuff. We just want you to buy it and rock the Bad dudes wherever you can.

Also if you’re pregnant, the maternity shirt will suit you nicely. It reads “I don’t know who the father is, but he’s probably a member of the Bad Dudes Army.”

http://www.cafepress.com/baddudesmerch

I get that you’re “only twenty-two” but seriously, if you haven’t heard of Fast Time at Ridgemont High OR Beverly Hills Cop, much less the two sequels to Beverly Hills Cop could you at the very LEAST feign excitement-slash-understanding that myself and Miss Formica Dinette think it’s amusing that Judge Reinhold is in our office like…. every day?

Who are these kids who have no frame of reference?  Seriously, they don’t know anything.  This goes for adults as well.  There has been a whole world’s worth of history happening for hundreds of thousands of years and for you to not only have no semblance or inkling that any of that has gone on much less what’s going on today, or this week…well, it’s just a sad state of affairs for the future and what will and won’t be documented.

I heard this the other day “I don’t see why they have the Guinness book.”

So people can know that other people did crazy/huge/monumental/semi-important/fascinating/weird/awesome things, motherfucker!  So that you won’t - in a drunken stupor - one day say “Man, I wonder if anyone has tried to build a house out of dead monkeys” because you’ll look it up first and go “Yep, that guy over there with all the dead monkeys.”

Okay, Bad example.

Seriously though…Why would anyone ask why there is reference material for anything?   That’s…the worst kind of anti-intelligence out there.

“There he goes, dude fucked an alien.”

-M
http://www.blarghityblargh.com/trashville

So bummed that the Kids in the Hall aren’t coming anywhere near here. Closest stops are St. Louis and Nashville. Hopefully some of my friends in Tennessee will go and get a shirt for me or something. Pleaaaaaaaase??!?!?!

PS: Saw Schoolyard Heroes last night at Vino’s. Fucking badass and amazing and that girl who sings for them has more stage presence than all the bands in Little Rock combined and multiplied. (This means you, too Amy “Who would wanna recognize a fat bitch?” Lee.

See ‘em if you can and go get their record, Abominations.

Quick, Government, take the gun from his cold, dead hands!

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.Been waiting to do that joke for years at this point.